As I've mentioned I'm trying to put my finger on what makes me and others intuit that there are two different psychological sub-cultures of humans. Red vs. Blue, Conservative vs. Liberal, Right vs. Left, religious vs. secular-maybe these divisions are symptomatic of the underlying difference, but they don't seem to get to the bottom of it.I obviously believe I belong to one of these two psychological sub-cultures, and am naturally inclined to think my sub-culture is superior. To counter my chauvinism, I'm looking for an objective way to distinguish the two sub-cultures, some characteristic ...
"You believe them? Are you out of your mind?! How can you not see through their lies?! It's so obvious your leaders are manipulative. And you just don't get it, do you?"Conservative friends have said that to me about my respect for likes of Obama, Reid, and Boxer, and I've said that to them about their respect for Palin, Beck, and McCain.As America becomes increasingly partisan, I sometimes wonder if we're not just two separate species. What distinguishes species is an inability to make children. We're sort of like that. It's hard for us to make brainchildren with each other. I do know ...
I still have it, the sign my father, an innovative CEO of a large corporation had printed for use at executive meetings. In a 1960s font on yellowed cardboard it reads: What are we talking about? He designed it out of frustration with agenda drift. As a meeting conversation would overheat, sidetracked on some trivial matter, my dad would silently lift the sign off his lap. What are we talking about? He was asking people to step out of their stances within a conversation to notice what the conversation was about and then to compare it to other alternative conversations including whatever ...
We all know what's meant by "can't see the forest for the trees." It's a great turn of phrase reminding us not to lose scope and to keep the big picture in mind.But what are scope and the big picture anyway?The phrase "forest for trees" is especially apt because it originates in forestry and therefore biology. Within biology patterns of hierarchy from small picture to big picture are plainly in play. It's not just a figment of our imagination. Atoms make up molecules, which make up cells, which make up organs, which make up bodies, which make up populations, which make up ecologies.There ...
Last week I talked with someone troubled by his tendency to be judgmental. Here's how the conversation went more or less:Me: What do you think about discernment?He: I'm fine with discernment. We all have to make judgments.Me: You distinguish judgment from being judgmental?He: They're totally different.Me: But aren't they both defined as distinguishing based on preference?He: Yes, but judgment is fine.Me: I hear you. You think judgment is good and that being judgmental is bad.He: Being judgmental is not bad. Me: It's not? But you just said in so many ways that you want to stop being ...
The potential for conflict pervades modern life. Drivers pound their horns, co-workers criticize, and close relationship partners snub attempts for closeness. Yet, most confrontations do not result in aggression. Why? Sugar may be a sweet substitute for aggression. Ever wondered why people talk about aggression so much? Sure, aggression and violence might sell your video game, record, or movie. But most people spend most of their days in peace and, when confrontation occurs, in reconciliation. This isn't true of everyone. In fact, ...
Most people hate to write. Even more people hate to write things other people read. And then there's a group of people, who seem normal in most respects, but who spend their lives trying to convince people to let others read what they've written. Believe it or not, you're part of what keeps them going. "Publish or perish" is one of those witty little phrases people usually hear in college. I remember hearing it for the first time. My college professor described a process in which people earned temporary employment at a college or University, tried to ...
Think of how America has changed since the 1930s. Ask people to consider this and you'll get a standard set of responses: computers, the Internet, and lasers (at least that's what Nassim Taleb thinks people will tell you, events he calls Black Swans). Some people will talk about disco, while others will talk about living in the Age of the iPod. Not one of them will tell you that we're living in the Age of Mental Illness--or that a loss of social connection might be the culprit. It's not entirely new to talk about the decline of mental health. About 20 ...
What is the one thing that connects people with dogs? Believe it or not, it's the biological processes responsible for self-control. Don't believe me? You're not in the minority. Sure, dogs can be cuddly, cute, and loyal companions. They might even learn to use the bathroom outside instead of in the living room (one of my two dogs has learned this). But can they actually help us understand human self-control processes? This seemingly trivial question can have big implications. For years, psychologists have accepted the fact that ...
11 years ago, the word "Columbine" broke into our collective conscious. Amidst tragedy, chaos, and suffering, psychologists have sought to make sense of this and other school shootings. I'll never forget April 20, 1999. I was in college. My older sister was living in Colorado and, on that day, was visiting a school close to Columbine High School. At the time, she was teaching at a charter school, having recently earned her degree in elementary education. On a break from my class that day, I learned about the tragedy. My first thought went to my sister. ...
By Karen Sternheimer During a recent in-class exercise, I had my students play a game. Each of them got cards denoting a certain point value, and the object of the game was to negotiate with one another to trade cards and end with the most points. After the game was over, we talked about the strategies they used to try and maximize their points. Some people felt like they had enough and decided not to trade with their classmates at all. Others wheeled and dealed to get points and sometimes lied, even to their friends. A few students felt like they had plenty and gave cards away for fewer ...
By Hilary Levey Post-doctoral Fellow, Harvard University I neither have children, nor do I live in New York City. Yet, I felt stressed out when I heard the recent news that the New York City Department of Education may begin testing three-year-olds for places in kindergarten classrooms at public schools. If the Department of Education goes forward with this plan, they must work to ensure that all children have equal opportunities to gain admission. Otherwise the current proposal will only worsen a worrying trend towards unequal access to the City’s best schools. New York City has long been ...
By Janis Prince Inniss Many students dread the thought of taking a statistics course and probably imagine that faculty foist it upon them as payback for having had to endure the class as students themselves. In reality, statistics courses are required for sociology and other social science students because they may be conducting their own research one day. If you go into a social science career one day, you will need to know statistical processes so that you can decide on what is most appropriate for your project. Even if your social science career does not include conducting research, you ...
By Sally Raskoff A recent article in the BBC News Magazine asked, “Does Christina Hendricks have a body women should aspire to?” The Daily Mail, a British newspaper, said “All women should aspire for hourglass size 14 figures, claims new equalities minister.” If you haven’t seen the television show Mad Men you may not know that Ms. Hendricks plays a secretary whose silhouette is not typical for women in the media in 2010. The show is set in the cultural milieu of the 1950s-1960s, thus her hourglass curvy figure is certainly appropriate for the time depicted. According to these articles, the ...
By Todd Schoepflin In my last blog, I discussed Laud Humphreys’ research about men having sex in park bathrooms. I think one reason his research is so interesting is because having sex in public bathrooms is an unusual use of public space. Let’s face it: seeing someone comb their hair or apply makeup in a public bathroom isn’t very compelling. For that matter, a lot of things that occur in public view aren’t interesting. Not surprisingly, abnormal uses of public space often catch people’s attention. For example, this summer the local media where I live devoted a lot of attention to a story ...
In 2004, a law review article by Rachel Moran was published under the title "How second-wave feminism forgot the single woman." It is a lengthy and important paper, well worth the time of anyone seriously interested in singles and their place in American history. In this post, I'll highlight some of the main points.Do you know the terms "bachelor girls" or "single blessedness"? How about the name Susan B. Anthony? They were among the faces of single womanhood from the mid-1800s through the beginning of the next century. "Bachelor girls" were the young adults who were not marrying so young; ...
Do you remember reading something on a particular blog, but can't remember the specific post? In the comments section of this post, Alan asked about finding links to particular posts. In response, Rachel provided a suggestion that I have found so wonderfully helpful that I wanted to share it.Using the example of this Living Single blog, you would type your search term and then this:site:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-singleAnother guide to previous Living Single posts (and other essays I've published in places such as the New York Times, Forbes, the Chronicle of Higher Education, ...
The article on WomenEntrepreneur.com had a simple title: Marriage pays. It was reprinted elsewhere under equally enticing headings (e.g., "Turns out, marriage really does pay off.") The first paragraph proclaimed:"A 15-year study of 9,000 people found that those who married and stayed married during that time built up nearly twice the net worth of people who stayed single."The author linked to a press release from 2006. I looked up the original journal article and found that the author's initial claim is true: The people in the study (baby boomers, around age 24 at the start in 1985) who got ...
Do you know about Dexter the lovable serial killer? The first time I watched an episode, I could not believe what I just experienced. I was rooting for a killer! How did that happen? Psychologically, the show is just amazing on so many levels. So I could not believe my good fortune when I was invited to write a chapter for a book called The Psychology of Dexter. Lots of other experts were also invited to contribute, including some of your favorite Psychology Today bloggers. Then I was invited to write the introductory chapter and some other bits and pieces, and that's how I got to be called ...
One of the most rewarding things about writing this blog is the engagement it generates. In the comments section, readers discuss their observations, interpretations, and experiences, and share their expertise. Some readers do not post their own comments, but email me to say that they appreciate the posts and the discussions.Occasionally, though, things get nasty. This is the blogosphere, perhaps the wildest part of the wild, wild web, so a bit of that is to be expected. And in fact, there has been less of it on this blog than I had anticipated.Recently, there has been a flare-up of ...
Light blue eyes peered out at me from a fringe of dark lashes. "We were so perfect together, her sensuous smell, her dancing eyes, her exquisite face, her sumptuous body! She's so delicate, innocent, and I feel so protective with her." Mark was clearly smitten.I was curious about the nature of his ardor. "What else do you love about her?" I inquired."Caroline is so sweet, soft, feminine in her ways. We had this incredible spiritual and emotional connection. I don't get it. Why'd she end it?" Dreamy eyes turned into tortuous question marks.To which I posed yet another question. "What did she ...
Over 100 years ago, Freud proffered that dreams were the royal road to the unconscious. From that time on, we analysts have helped to decipher the cryptic messages hidden in these dreams. Today, not only analysts, but lay people meet in dream groups to find meaning in these disguised messages. The NY Times on 7-9-2010 reported that "dream groups are similar to book groups, but the themes and plotlines discussed come not from 19th century novels or the latest best seller but from the member's unconscious minds."Why then this new interest in an old form of insight? Well for one thing, by ...
"I've been dating for a year now and I can't seem to connect; nothing sticks. What's wrong with me?" An attractive, accomplished, loving woman, it seemed there was nothing wrong with Celeste. But was there more to it I wondered?And so I asked "Where are you meeting these men?"Sitting closer to me, she explained "I had some introductions from friends, but no dice. I'm not a bar-type so I went on line. Actually I joined three sites. You'd think I'd find someone I want to be with.""When you say ‘be with', what do you mean?" I asked.Sure enough Celeste was not searching for the impossible as ...
When one partner dictates the terms of the relationship and the other follows, when one partner controls the others thoughts, feelings, opinions, friends, and activities and the other capitulates, that's an unequal power relationship. In this relationship, the submissive partner ? typically the woman ? forgoes her own needs, desires, wishes, goals, intentions, and caves in. Of course, unequal power relationships can go the other way too with the woman as the controlling partner and the man as the submissive one.
Contrary to popular belief, the controlling partner is not the strong one, nor ...
"It was the furthest thing from my mind. I didn't go back to work to have an affair." Distress crossed Lisa's face as she grimaced.
"Why did you go back to work?" I asked.
Pondering the question, Lisa's response was well measured as she told me, "Well, money was short and I hate asking Don for money, so this way I feel more independent. I was losing myself in my husband and my kids. Don't get me wrong, my family means a lot to me, but I felt unappreciated. Catering to the needs of a husband and three kids can be a thankless job. I felt trapped."
"How does work help?" I queried.
Her ...
Through most of human history, life consisted of a set of reciprocal obligations to parents, to children, to other relatives, to the honor of the family and perhaps the village. During the 20th century, the importance of social bonds has been given little more weight than the importance of clean air and water. The decline of stable communities, along with the mechanization of life and death had introduced a sense of alienation. The traditional means of pair-bonding, guided in large part by family and societal considerations, gave way to the influences of juvenile fantasies and outward ...
It is time to rethink how institutions of higher education view their mission so that they can better fulfill their obligation as the major basic research engine in society. It is time that institutions of higher education expect more of their faculty than their being solitary investigators seeking to garner individual credit for the incremental contributions. It is time for universities to recognize that their faculty have roles as members of large, interdisciplinary, malleable, and adaptable teams of scientists and scholars addressing Big Questions and Problems. It is time for ...
Resilience as a property of a substance refers to its ability to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed. People can also be more or less resilient, and in this context resilience refers to a person's ability to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Most people think about a person's resilience as a capacity that, akin to intelligence or musical talent, does not vary substantially across contexts. This view is odd given that the resilience of substances can vary a great deal across contexts. For instance, water in a warm environment ...
Before the enlightenment of the 18th century, many scholars believed that thought was instantaneous and that action was governed by an indivisible mind separate from the body. If a palpable cause for a person's behavior could not be identified, the Divine or some counterpart constituted a more agreeable explanatory construct than invisible forces acting through scientifically specifiable mechanisms. Unparalleled advances in the sciences have occurred since the dawn of the Enlightenment, including the development of scientific theories about magnetism, gravity, quantum mechanics, and dark ...
Sociality is at the heart of human existence, a fact that has been acknowledged as far back as Aristotle. Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs were among the first in the twentieth century to develop theoretical perspectives on the topic, but only in the last half-century has sociality been subject to vigorous theoretical and empirical study. According to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, relational and belonging needs are superseded in importance only by survival and safety needs. Harry Harlow's study of infant rhesus monkeys did not deny the importance of survival needs (i.e, food), but ...
Women tend to think of bad boy/jerks as naughty boys who are very sexy and great in bed. But what is a jerk really?We label a man a jerk because he manipulates women’s feelings, actions, and attitudes after his façade has sucked them in. There is something about a jerk that can be very attractive. These men can act as charming and nice as can be. They know they look good. They have their routines down pat. These professional jerks are like fishermen. They regularly go on missions to get things from women by using their bait to get them hooked. Then they keep women dangling from ...
Sarah Height is a "masculine" characteristic, and women like the opposite of what they are (feminine) so they like things that signal masculinity, and that includes height.
"The Biggest Reason Women Lose Interest In Men...Is Something Most Guys Never Think About"Have you ever had a woman seem like she was interested in you, then all of a sudden her feelings turned cold...VERY cold, and you had no idea why?I'm about to introduce you to a concept that most guys never think about when it comes to building attraction...and yet it is one of the BIGGEST reasons women lose interest in men.The Importance Of StatusHumans are continuously sizing each other up, deciding whether or not the people we are interacting with are at our level, below our level, or ...
Remember when the two of you could not get enough of each other? You called or sent text messages all day long and you could not wait to get home at night?What happened? You still love your significant other but the thrill is gone. Men and women experience this in relationships but their approach to “fixing” the problem may be quite different.During your courtship days, both of your brains were flooding your system with feel good chemicals. Hey, that is just science so accept it. Somewhere along the way the two of you established a relationship ...
Brianna Broitzman & Ashton Larson Sexually Abused Nursing Home Residents With DementiaBy Pete Kotz in Sex crimes, bizarre?They weren't the swarthy perverts you'd expect them to be. They were the pretty girls, six high school friends from the farming hub of Albert Lea, Minnesota, who'd all found jobs at the Good Samaritan nursing home caring for patients with ...
